I'm 42 and I'm tired of selfish people

Along time ago, I argued with my mother over the nature of friendship, and what I thought it meant.

My mother's position was the same as my father's position--that placing too much weight on friendship, was in fact, a fools errand.

Time after Time, my mother and father were right.

So many friends let me down, and I would tell both of them were they were right, but in my heart I believed when I got older I would discover a different level of friend.

In college, pre-grad school I discovered a small few friends, who without too much worry over money, jobs or relationships, were the type of people I wanted to remember and drink toasts too.  My professors as well, became the fiery  mentors I would always keep close.

In graduate school, my friends were fellow graduate students--and as long as I didn't affect their s5tanding with professors, I was a tolerable individual.

It seems a lot different from the Sit-com-inflated, brothers and sisters, would-be lovers for life that the world shows us seven days a week, but we've always known that was the case.  It's very different from the idea that friends become lovers and lovers who breakup become friends again lie told to us by the media and television.

Indeed it was, and in some ways is now the same.

My parents are extremely careful, and were very loving, but here's what i'm going to say.

The world is a deeply psychological place--literature has forever known that, from the works of Raymond Carver, which describe the hideous and psychological anguish that lovers practice on one another.    In the past year, I can say warmly, that I have seen committment and friendship, like what I've always believed in from several people.  I have, but all i encounter in younger generations, is deep seated, psychological skull-duggary, between selfish men and weakling women.

Sex

In my classrooms, there are few students who dare to speak their minds about such issues.  For two semesters we explored ideas about marriage, whether it was outdated, and due to modern sensabilites (Yeah Right,)  We might talk about such things as Poly Amorous relationships, the stepping stone to Polygamy, really, and whether the students might have ideas for this.  The majority of students, seemed to believe that relationships, were "complicated" at best, but that there seemed to be in their opinion a consensus, from all of them that perhaps "closed relationships" were a little outdated.

In the highschool, AP English classes, we discussed a classic concept such as Tom Jones, telling Sophie, that he "never strayed from her in his heart."  In Tom Jones, the titular hero must literally climb mountains and face the unknown to win the heart of the "faithful" Sophie from her father.  At the end of the novel, Tom is found to be the true first born heir to the Jones Dynasty, so at the end of the novel, he can be with Sophie.

This of course, happens only after he is found to be the legitimate heir.    It is then that Sophie's father consents and Tom is able to be with Sophie.  In the inbetween time, Tom pursues several relationships, and a bit of sex, though this has a bit of a toll on Sophie.  Still, Tom's statements are clearly the same.  He loves her, but the father says no.  And when the father says yes, Tom is with who he loves.  It seems pretty clear he doesn't go anywhere else.

over the past year, a very similar situation played out in front of my eyes, between a man and woman.  In an attempt to keep a man interested, a woman  allowed him to sleep with any girl he wanted, as long as he one, "wore a condom."  and  two, "told her about it."  

I believe the latter part of the agreement, was supposed to be in advance, although, in advance of the sex, the idea of him sleeping with someone else, severely hurt the woman.  Emotionally, she hated it.  And the male, went trolling constantly for sex.  The first provision was broken as a promise time after time.

The man refused to wear condoms to be exact.  The second provision was also always broken, to be sure, he wanted to have sex with as many women as possible, but he could see the pain in her eyes everytime he wanted to, and he just went ahead and did stuff behind her back anyway.

To make things worse, he was brazen about it-- and ultimately, though he cared or seemed to care for the woman that let him have an open relationship, he treated the women he slept with better than he treated her.

All of this rocked me to my core.  The relationship was not rock solid, nor was there much respect--there was a lot of blind eye turning to be had.

Part of me, ached inside over this, because for the longest time, this had an effect on me.  I was their roomate.  I was the one who also kept his mouth shut, through it, though i was contacted often from advice from the female.  And when i thought about the repercussions of their relationship, all i saw was pain.

Not to be a prude, but it seemed like all i encountered for a while were women that were swingers.  That's the only word i have for them.  They were either Polyamorous, or Pan Sexual, or in open relationships, and all i could see from a distance is that they were in utter and complete tormented pain.  Their relationships were painful and fleeting.  They deluded themselves into thinking there was nothing wrong, but the root cause i kept seeing was their choices lead to all the same directions.  Unhappiness--and a lament for their actions or the actions of their partners.

All of their relationships were claimed by their own choices of infidelity, or inviting other people into their bedrooms.  One such aquaintance bitched and complained that his girlfriend had left him for one of this friends-- he later then told me, that he had invited his close male friend into their bedroom, to watch, as he tried bondage on his girlfriend.  He was so hurt, that now his girlfriend was with the same man, that I wanted to lean forward and slap him across the face and say, "Why did you invite another man into your bedroom to witness the most intimate thing between you and your lover?"

He was so stupid he could see no point to my argument.

To make things worse, he then decided after he had tied his girlfriend up, to leave and go get cigarettes--he left her to get cigarettes, with the other man, tied up, and again, he didin't understand any part of why i wanted to slap him.  He agonized over what might have happened between then while she was tied up.  While, i repeat, he left them together, after a semi-intimate act, particularly used in an intimate act.  (Sex.)

Over and over, and again, all i see from so called, "Generation Y'ers" is the idea that there are no boundaries, nor should they bother with conventional methods of standards.

I teach college, where i find that many students don't care for traditional notions of study.  A. Reading.  Many students on the first day of their diagnostic are known to scribble out:  I hate reading.  Recently a girl said to me at the end of the semester, i hate writing.

AS you might imagine, their work is lackluster and lazy.  Their work never improves because they can't practice basic mimesis.  If you don't know mimesis is imitation which comes from being exposed to a similar concept  and practicing it.  So in school, most learning is mimesis--most mimesis is done sublimanally and without effort--through one way--reading.

Students then learn simply by a natural method--reading and writing.  Not so for the newest students.  Learning is meant to be simple for them.  They will listen in class, but not take notes.  They won't read because reading is hard, and outdated, they feel.  They won't take notes, because notes are outdated.  They prefer to "take notes" on their labtops, where they are meremly an inch from Social media, and from that point, what's the harm in postiing on Facebook or chatting.  The professor is talking, but what he's rtalking about concerns me not unless he says, this is a major part of my grade.

All of this leads to, I can do it my way.  Forget the distinctive ideas that before them, students studied, and had to do latin roots of words--which we barely ask them to learn.  Students went to the library to study.  Most students have been quoted as saying if everything is online now, why do we have to check out books.  Well, to answer the question--EVERYTHING IS NOT YET ONLINE!

So, remember what i started with--It started very early.  Those that hated reading, found a way around it.  Now, in college, they want to continue as they did.  No reading.  No books.  Writing should be like a text message.  If you get it right once it should be good enough.  Personally, i have a lot of friends who ride me for messing up a word.   I hated them at first for that, but now i bless them.  I bless them for making me understand that its not okay to slop something off or say close enough.

No Relationship should be close enough!  No agreement between family, or a man and a woman or between a teacher and his student should have any kind of loophole.  Some students are stupid enough to believe if i have a grade on an A right now, that it'll stay an A, even if i drop off the planet earth.  And YES, they believe this.  They believe it because they work so hard to get their grade to an a, and then they stop, and then they get mad because their grade didn't remain an A.

When standards fell for many things, they fell for relationships, and i'm scared of where this is all going too.

Questioning and Questionability. Just the Facets?

Out of my many blogs, this blog will be the most questionable.  It will question assertions I don't think many people question--all of which I am privy to as a teacher, a maturing man and a nerd with this finger on the pulse of.

It will be difficult to say how often I will question, but as of lately, I am more and more concerned with continuing behaviors I see in the generation next to me, and coming down the line.  These posts are extremely difficult to talk about, some might say e3ven harder to pose (question wise) and post (otherwise).

But i will be dealing with the many "feels" and "frenzies" of people around me and as to whether, my generation of the generation to come can deal in a grtownup society.  It's hard enough being a grownup myself, but if I try, well, I should probably come to the same conclusion:

Young People today are set on a path of utter destruction.  Their wants and needs are irrational and I blame the parents in certain ways--too much irregular punishment and not enough values teaching.

More to come.